Life after graduation

After my graduation, I am going to go directly into working life. The first two weeks, I am going to observe the working environment and I am good at observation. I know how to obseve people working. Then i come back home to plan what I am going to do with the things that i have obeserved. Meanwhile, i cannot going to enjoy my life yet, i have to hardly work for one month first. I am not going to show off, i will just figure out what kind of people i am facing and how i am going to deal with them. Then i will plan how I am going to improve myself, how to get promotion faster. I have to work out a strategy and work through it. By stop thinking about all kind of entertainment, i can fulfill my obligation and strive the best for myself. Only after for a while, maybe one month, that i can start thinking of how to entertain myself a little bit because only i can fulfill my inside obligation first, then i can share and entertain others peacefully. Then i will start to think of social, friends, sex, and family. I don't have to think much like i'm going to learn this or that in advance so that when the work just come i can do it. Don't worry about that at all. I will know how to figure that out at the spot. You need to use your network skill to make the work done sometimes. You are at the level that you can learn by yourself. You can learn anything by yourrself as long as it is complusory or it is what you want. like learning how to play guitar. Moreover, you have to make sure that you have the log book to see how your life progress. Without it , you would just do the good things without know what is the good things all about and then at some points in your life you fee l that you have nothing good, you never learn about anything, you are a useless person and so on. So log book make you realise that you are not a piece of shit!

Happy night!

I spent my time nicely for tonight :) !!! Go Go!!

About to sleep soon and now trying to make myself feel relax by listening to some soft music. gonna be gratitude, visualization of my great future of peaceful life.

Let's go to sleep :)

I love my life

I am really really love my life. There are many things good about my life. I will stop talking about how bad i feel and how bad i'm facing. From now on, i will only talk about how good my life is. Because of law of attraction. Actually, there are many things good running my life and i just take them for granted.

I need to change the way I think and the way I do with my life style. First of all, I know that in the next 5 years, I am going to be a rich guy and I am absolutely will be a rich guy as long as i Keep doing what i am planning doing everyday. As long as I keep improving my skill.

Just want to show how gratitude i am to have my great parents who always care about me since i was born. And also my great siblings. There we had some fighting when we were young, they were great memory.

My nephews and nieces. I have a lot of them, and they like me so much.

Friends both in malay and in cambodia, without friends like is just nothing.

All the girls that i fell in love with especially my ex-gf who shows me what is it like to be a couple.

I'm really grateful for everything that i have. Though at the moment, i don't have a gf and a stable life, but those things will come in the next few years. This is life, i have to be patient and improve my life and be ready for that. Everyone goes through that process.

At some points, I really want to have my own car, driving to work, and at the evening, go to play sport with my friends, and at night spend time with my family, and the girl that I love. I am sure i will find a nice girlfriend when my life is stable. But for now, i will just try to be patient. :)

I am really having a big problem right now.

It is 3.23 and i still can't do anything at all for my report. This is too bad.

Almost 10 years, i spend in university. It's like i study from grade 1-8, man!

That's a lot of years.

An attempt to delete my facebook account

So, this is another attempt of deleting facebook account. The reasons why I use it was to flirting with others girls while i was broken heart, but now I become normal and I will not use it anymore. I will just live my life with the people around me and do the thing that i like to do rather than waiting to chart with some girls that i never see, and seeing people trying to show off in the facebook.

To me, facebook is a mean to show off. Normally and it's only for the loser who doesn't have a real life. But to some people who consider friendship as a forever stuff, they use facebook as to see how their friends and family are doing. But to me, i rather keep space for that, give time to the person that i engage with rather than wasting time seeing my old friends or my family is doing. I would just call them or give them a visit if i feel like missing them.

By having facebook to entertain me, i wouldn't care much about the people around me anymore. And I miss a lot of things going on around me. Hopefully, i don't go back to those world again. If I really desperate for girlfriend which i'm really not, I can just ask my family or my friends to introduce some friends or anybody they know to me when i have a normal life.

But, honestly, for the time being, i prefer my single life. I don't have to care about anybody's birthday, i don't have to surprise them, i don't have to fake that i love anybody. I know myself clearly than others. For the time being, i have no soul and i can't love anybody more than 2 weeks. I think that's who i am. Whether i will change to be a normal guy or not, who knows. For the time being, let's party when you can, do your tasks and enjoy your life.

Interim Report Submission

Honestly, I haven't done anything at all after the presentation on week 9. I think i have wasted a lot of time on that. I even dare not see look at it all. I have to submit it tomorrow and look at me now. Even just look at it, I dare not. I think i will just submit the old report that i have submit. Just edit it a little bit. Start editing from tonight 8-12, and then print it and submit it tomorrow.

Listen to me, there is nothing to be worried about. I may be worried about the test one, test 2 marks, or the others activities that i have missed, but don't worry, you are not going to fail. You still have time to cover up for your final. and about the report, I believe that your lecturer is not going to fail you, you prove him that you study hard for the next semeseter because this semester you have dealt with a lot of things. After tonight, i will plan for preparing for the final. There will be no happy time. I will not look at my score at all. Those are the pass only. I will just wait to see whether i will have to take any supplymentary exam or not; hopefully everything will be okay for me.

I expect to get C most of the subject for this semesters. However, I hope i won't fail anything. and I believe that they won't fail me anything. I strongly believe that. I just need to do my best on my final and prepare for the final semesters only.

The reasons why I am focusing on doing this is to take my 3 hours time of today. I have spent 2 hours reading the book about searching for myself and i spend one hour in doing this. I need to plan how i am going to do my report. There is nothing to plan much because whether I spend 20 hours on the report today, i still have a low mark from doctor teow, so i'd better do it fast and finish as soon as possible by tonight. Just copy and pass and   he is not going to read anything about that i garantee.

Just keep it as a bad experience and try your best for the last semester, spend time on your project, do what you want, study the subject that you want, and go for sport and live your life. Forget about the last past semester. Everything was hell. From next semester onward, your life is going to shine.

So, I have finished talking about what i needed to talk, now i will talk about what I want to talk. What I want to talk here is about my goal and how i set myself to reach there. and how strongly i believe that i can reach there. I almost feel like I am there already at some point.

So, my goal is that i want to be rich in the next 5 years. I want to be rich because being rich is awesome. You can buy anything you want, you can have anything you want, you have any girls you want. So let's assume that I will be already rich in the next 5 years, i may want to buy a luxurious car to drive around, to flirt around with the girls that i like, to buy a house, and i may consider settle down with the right girl that i love.

How to do it? It is very simple. In order to accomplish this, i set myself to get up early before the sunshine and all the day time, i keep focusing on my work, keep observing whether there is any opportunity for me get rich, studying something new such as economic, accounting, piano, and others to see what i am really good at, try to change new jobs to see which job do i like the most, to focus on my current job to make my boss say something good about me so that i can get a better job, not to think about the money, to think about how improve myself everyday. So that's what i am going to do. I will wake up at 5 o clock and sleep at 11 o'clock. And i will spend exactly 12 hours on focusing on my job and improving new skills and finding new opportunity. And do some exercise, proper eating and so on. So now, I am asking you. How such a person who get up early everyday and go to bed quite late and keep improving himself everyday. How could such a person can't be rich in the next 5 years? It is impossible that he can't be rich if he does that all the time. This is true. He's going to get what he wants.

How much do I believe that this is going to happen? 95%.. I believe that this is going to happen for 95% because i know that he is not going to stick to what he plan for 100%, so it means that at least he will reach 95%  to what he plans. Nobody is perfect. However, it's just an expectation and believe. who knows, maybe he will reach 110% of being rich.

Do I have anything to measure my failure or success to this plan? yes, I have. I have a score list to evaluate what is my score for each day. With that score list, i try to attempt to at least not fail. I will try to do anything to get myself back to the right track because being rich is always in my head. And rich person do what he wants to do and he's not lazy. He keeps trying to find the opportunity for his life.

Here is what i might have for the next 5 years.
1. A car
2. A house
3. dates or fall in love, or trying to flirt with at least 10 girls
4. Learning new skill such as economic, accounting, marketing, piano, drumming, improve guitar skill, spychology skill, kid skill, flirting skill, cooking skill, computer skills, administration skill, bribing skill, communication skill, mechanical skill, electrical skill, pumping skill, key skill, persuading skill, running a company skill, seeing people skill, taking care skill, business skill, advertising skill, getting along skill.
5. a good health with 60-65 with beautiful outlook and handsome and most of all charming because of being rich, smart, open-minding, caring, and looking into the eyes while talking.

Why am I so sure that this things is going to happen? Because I have tested it my own experience when i was in grade 12. In grade 12, i wrote on the top of the paper that I want to get A, and I list of how am going to get A and i strongly believe that i will get A. Everyday, i have this routine which i keep doing that leading me to get A, and i keep evaluate myself every night by giving score to the activity that i am involve with. At the end, I got only C which almost B. I was a bit disappointed, but there is much more that getting A was happening to me. I got 3 scholarship, i have met many good friends; people recognised me. A lot of good things rather than A, so in this case, I plan for being rich, and I am sure that even though, i may not get a house yet, or a car yet, or haven't complete those activities yet, but by that time there will be a lot of opportunity rather than just being rich is waiting for me there. Maybe it's much better than you think, so just keep dreaming on your goal and go for it. Act like you already have them, be disappointed if you really can't attempt for it today, try to make up for tomorrow, try to come back. This time, when i fail, keep coming back, read it and keep coming back. How many times have i failed before this? almsot 100 times already i guess, i have been feeling down a lot, but i still get up. This time with, this book i can know exactly how many times am i going to get up. And I strongly believe that as long as you keep getting up and go to the right track, you will be where you want to be.

I am not a phylosopher, i am just a simple person who was almost crazy at some points because of depression about myself. At some points, i was thinking of committing suicide just to leave the problems behind, but now i realize that nothing that we can't go through. Whether you fail or pass, it's just a life experience. It's good that you fail at young age because you know why you are fail. and you can learn a lot from them. Can you tell me how many times you fail and why?

1:I failed in year 2 at Civil class. I gave up the class, i didn't go to the class regularly. I can't go for training, so I drop my scholarship. and i told my parents i wanted to study international relationship.
2: I failed my first love at grade 8. I am a coward, i didn't even talk to the girl that i like.
3: I failed my second love at grade 12. I loved a girl, she likes me back. i didn't even dare talk to her, so i gave up and go on my way to study.
4. I failed on my third love at year 1. I confess to the girl that i love with a bad environment. I never made her happy. i was shy and i didn't spend time with her, but i confess to her? what was i thinking? I was too brave without thinking of the result.
5. I failed as a teacher at the NewYork School. the more i taught, the less student is coming. I prepare very little for the class. i was not motivated to teach. The only motivation is to get the experience, and to be prepared for my final year at ifl
6. i fail to love 2 girls at IFL. Reasons i was too shy and no confident.
Most of the time, i lack of confidents due to the study effect. when i don't study hard, it will affect my relationshp as well.
7. I fail to study well on this university. I play too much with my seniors that i didn't spend time at all for my studying. Playing too much, never have time for my own self.
8. I fail to make myself happy many times, i guess i am stressfull 3 months/ year. so meaning i have 15 month of unhappiness during i am in malaysia, i have failed  1500 times to make myself happy and i keep finding the way to make myself happy.

So, these were the failures that i have. Overall, i fail almost 1600 times since i was born. Most of the failure are from fail to make myself happy, fail to lost my self out of control. However, i keep myself up by reading many self helps books, religious book, spiritual books and so on. I never give up. So even though , i fail another time, that would be ok for me. I just need to get up and fight

Now it comes to the conclusion. I spend my one hour well, and next i am going for jogging to make myself healthy. then i would come back and finish my report and submit them tomorrow. That's all. After tomorrow, i will do the same thing and prepare for my final exam.

All the best to myself.

Tuesday Afternoon

Looking outside my window, waiting to die from the interim report, I am nothing but just a soul which is waiting to get attacked by the pressure of my undone tasks.

What have i been doing this semester? Why do i keep ignore all the things around me? Why do I keep leading myself to the fall, a fall which is higher and higher because now I keep climbing higher and higher without looking at how height I am already.

I understand that I need to submit my interim report which is quite big. And I haven't looked at it even a little bit. I scare to look at it.

What is the purpose of chatting with the girls that you hardly know? What do you want from them? Is it to pass my time or are you trying to flirt with those girls? Or that's me? Or I am a person who is enough just to chat with and understand each others. The moment that you see the girl, your love will be reduce 10%, the moment she talks to you, your love

I understand it

I always think positively that one day in the future or at any time, i will be better, i will not become a stressful person anymore, i will live a much better life than now; then now I realize that there is no such a thing. It's you who determine what you want to be and how you want to be. It's not about the next 5 years that you will become someone is much better than today. If you do not understand this, your whole life will just be the same, you are just a kid, ungrown man. I have to decide now, what types of lifestyle I want to be. Do I want to follow my stupid thought all the time or do I want to get out of it and try to get where you want? I always think of suicide and hopeless. That's my thought. I can get out of that and point out which type of life I want to have from now on because I believe that I will become a successful person. At the time being, I am not who I am, I am who I were. All the past, all the mistakes, all the stupid things i did in the past lead me to where I am today, so if I want to be a great person, I want to be a rich person, a beautiful person, a handsome person, a confident person, I have to do it from now on. From this second on, I believe that I can be whoever I want to be. I can get whatever I want to get. It is not that I am trying to think positive or optimistic. I am just being real. I just understand how life work and I work along the life. Life is so simple. If you face a problem, you try to solve it by yourself, sacrifice your time doing that. If you cannot solve it, you have to ask help from others. If others cannot help it or do not offer their help, you have to tell yourself that "Bitch Please! I did my best and the rest I will let it go" That's so simple. If you can't success in what you did at least you do not regret. You know what you are lacking of and you know whether you should improve yourself or not. The thing is what do I really want to live my life?
The way I want to live my life is simple. I want to try my best to solve my problems, all the problems, face all the problems bravely. Solve them because sooner or later, I will have to solve them, so solve them. After all the problems are solved one by one, the next steps is to keep finding the problems and solve more problems because life are full of problems. And problems will keep coming until you die because this is life. So problems are actually a part of our life, so just consider it as your friends who come to test you how strong you are to solve them.
Next step of my life from now on is to identify my dear problems and solve them.
It's like now, I think too much about how i am going to send my report to my GA, and I already did it. so problems solve, next problems now is that I am a bit hungry and i am not really sleepy yet. I have a lot of problems more to deal with tomorrow, so I need to get to sleep early.
Now, i will try to get something to eat a little bit and drink some water and then find ways to make myself relax. I'm not searching how from the internet, but I will searching from my experience.

Know how now... will do it and get to sleep now. Good night blog.

God! I am so hopeless.

What have I been doing? Why do I lead my life into this? Why do I deserve all these things since the first place? I never expect to get any scholarship; I never expect that anybody would love me. Now, at this point, I really really sad, too sad to describe. Who can I tell my problems too? I tried many things, but I never work out anything. Since the beginning, I am stupid, I am useless, I never deserve anything good like this. And now I have to be responsible for these things.

God, why don't you help me right now? I feel so down. Why you just look at me from the distance? The girl that I love already leave me for someone better, my exam score are getting worse, I become more and more lazy. People around me are becoming successful while i'm still same or getting worse.

I cry almost everyday, i couldn't sleep at night, i couldn't focus on my studying, I keep hanging out, sleeping too much, watching this and that. I don't know how long can I take this anymore.

Why can't I just be born as a billionair so that I don't have any responsibility and I can do anything that I want to do? Why do I have to be born and face life which is so suffering like this?

The exam is coming in the 2 hours and now I really have no idea at all what I am going to write in there. This is the first time that I declare my defeat because I really can't study at all.

I'm so sorry dad, mum, brothers, sisters, nephews, nieces, friends. I'm not your good son, sibling, and uncle, friend. I have no brain to think. I really make you all down. Nobody can force me to do anything, even myself.
What the hell is this? Why am I becoming like this??

Only when you apply what you learn, that you can become a knowledgable person

I am trying to apply what I have watched so far in my real life. I think this concept is going to work because it has been tested by the person in the movie that i have watched. Not all are right, but at least most of them. So, let's say if I want to have a life change moment, I just put myself in the movie that I have watched and be them. In one movie which I don't remember the name, the kid was very lazy to do assignment, and he didn't know the purpose of studying so he never did his assignment until her mother is bankrupt and had to sell the house. I can put this situation into mine and consider that situation happen to me and try to get the motivation from that. I would apply that mood, and try to do my task. There are a lot of movies that I have watched and I should learn from those movie and apply them

New Way of life

Here is how I want my body, and soul to work for a higher purpose, God!!!

My body is a slave for my mind. It will do whatever my mind direct it to do because my mind is the one who pay for my body to work. If my body doesn't work, my mind will not feed my body and it will end up suffer from hunger.

My mind is the one who serve for the higher purpose. I am living in this world is because of higher purpose, God. I will do everything according to the advice of the God. If my mind follow God well, he will have peace in his soul and everything in his life and after life is going to be in heaven.

I have a good result serving my higher purpose, the result will be unlimited. I can share my knowledge my wealth to myself, family and society. Not only that, I can have time to entertain myself while I am living in this life. I can have enough food to eat and I can have time to entertain myself and my family. Also, I will be granted a girl for my journey of my life also. So This is not only the advantages to my body, but to my soul. To my body, I will not be more hungry, I can eat when I want to cuz of the money that i have saved. To my soul, I can have time for entertainment and enjoy life.

So it is my choice whether I would like to die of hunger or to live and enjoy my life.

Now, i can choose to sleep or read some notes and save some money for tomorrow expense. Remember only working and studying can earn you some money. If you are going to read, it will not produce any money into your life. So whether to start feeding your body or your brain?

I am feeling so hungry right now

The money i have left now is 1.10rm.

I need money to survive and to have money I have to earn it. Every single cent is very important to me now. To earn the money, I have to study and do the necessary work which including serving myself like bathing, washing, eating, and proper sleeping. I have to serve myself in any way to make myself comfortable. The money that i will get is 1 hour is equal to 1 rm. From that money, I can take meal, I can do some entertainment such as watching movie, play sport and so on. So, to be happy and to be full when I am hungry, I need to study hard and spend time wisely, if not, I will stay hungry.

This is the lesson that I want to teach myself how hard it is to earn the living. Why we need to earn the living. Money doesn't come easy. You have to do something to get something. This money does not only buy me the daily food, but also buy me the entertainment in life.

The list of the entertainment, and the list of the food are listed in my books. The higher type of entertainment, the higher cost. For example, one movie cost me 8RM which means I have to save 8 hours of studying or doing some work to earn the money.

Tomorrow, If i want to eat nasi goreng, i need to spend 2 rm and now, i have only 1.1rm, so how am I going through tomorrow morning? I think I need to earn it from now.

A crush~`

It is hard to find someone who you are truly in love with. Sometimes, when you find, but that person will not just mean to be for you because she doesn't think like the way you do, she also have somebody in her mind also.
Today, I just had a crush on a girl. She is Thai.  She is so beautiful. She likes animals like I do. She is so funny sometimes when she told me about her animals that she raised. She used to raise a big dirty rat, a dog and recently she raises an American shorthair cat.

I just wish to talk to her more, but i guess she would not think like the way I do. I think i'm gonna forget her soon after a while because it is just a crush. Moreover, it is impossible that I could get her. I just hope that I will find this type of girl when I graduate.

And I believe that when the time comes, I will meet the right one. Just be prepared for my life, then this thing will automatically come to my life.

I really want to post her cat photo. It is so cute. Since I dare not asking her the permission to upload her cat photo, so I will just google a cat which is similar to her and post it here. 

Love...

Really proud for those who has found the one they truly love. Whether it is successful or not is not the point, the point is that we just smile just to think of the one we love.
That is the feeling which motivated people be really alive, to do anything just to see their love one smile.

Do I love my father? mother? brothers? sisters? friends? myself? any girls?  I don't know, but I don't have the smile feeling when I think of them now. Maybe, I love nobody now that's why I'm like this. Why I don't feel any love anymore?  Is my soul dead already?

Hope it is alive again, my soul!

This is what I want!

After washing the clothes, making the room neat, drinking some water, listening to some music now sitting in front of my PC to type how I feel about this, I feel so relax and peaceful. This is actually how I want my life to be. To make everything you have into something special, not to try to have something new while you are still neglecting your old stuff.

Why do I have the second thought whether I should go to class or skip class?

Is it because I am so lazy or because I have no interested in the subject that I am going to study? I have been skipping a lot of class of this subject. And the final exam is coming soon. I don't know what I have been missing and I don't know how am I going to catch up with the lesson that I miss.

I think i'd better decide to go no matter how lazy I am. Be grown up! Make sure that when the soon BUZZZZZ comes, you didn't left anything undone and regret for the rest of your life.

Now move your ass, take bath, and be in the best form with confident and just go to class. Don't forget to figure out along the way how you are going to settle with the thing that you haven't done also.

Think the strategy to submit your resume and your academic audit.

Welcome Back to My Blog

Here I am, sitting in front of my laptop, thinking of how to express myself for coming to the blog world again. 

There is an inner voice saying that I am going to express my feeling in the blog for a few days and then I will forget about it again. It just tells me to piss off, but I don't care whether I will stay here for a while or for the rest of my life. I will just try to make it as a mean to express myself. I just hope that this will help me to grow up a little bit. 

To start off, I want to talk about the word "Grown Up".  I am 25 years, 3 months, and 2 day old which means I have been seeing this world for 9217 days. It is quite along journey since I was born.  The first 2190 days of my journey were the most happiest time of my life. I spent half of them in sleeping, and the rest are on eating, learning new things, playing with my siblings, neighbors. Those were the happiest time because I never have to care about anything, so 2190 days are well spent. From day 2191-9217(now), which is 7026 days, I have been put in the formal education. Since 2191th, I have been fighting with this education life. Why I used the word fight? Do I hate it? Yeah, you can say so. Since the beginning I never like studying. It was not that i was born with loathing education, but it was because i was born in an environment where distracting has been everywhere. 

At grade 1(2191-2556), I dislike studying because I was distracted by neighbor kids, and my family. I went to class in the morning and I came back to play with my neighbor friends in the afternoon until evening. At night time, since I was so young, so studying at home or doing homework was not part of my life. Normally, I spent my night watching TV with my family members. As you can see, I only went to school in the morning and the rest of the day were distracted by neighbor and family member. So how was I supposed to focus on my studying? Even in the class, kids just kept talking to each others and never focused on what they studied, so studying life was a waste and a burden to my childhood life. I even rent a female student sitting next to me to write the Letter for me. I spent 1 hundred riel for that. And I still remembered that girl's name. To put it worst, I didn't even finish my whole grade since I had got an accident-- my belly was cut for 50mm length. It was lucky that I was still alive because when i had the accident there was a doctor there, so she started operating me immediately and I was saved. Honestly, I was happy that I got that accident because I don't have to go to school anymore, all of my family members show their cares to me and the best thing about that was I could use my older sister to buy the cake I wanted to eat because normally she always used me to buy  snack for her so I toke that opportunity to revenge on her.

At Grade 2 ( 2556-2921)... To be continued....